5 shadows I Confronted In The First Year Of Owning My Own Business:

Here are 5 shadows I Confronted In The First Year Of Owning My Own Business:

1) Your loved ones will be the last to support you the way you want them to

It’s truly the hardest pill I’ve had to swallow. Time and time again, I realized how much I’d been reaching for validation from my husband, even though he was also under immense pressure, and we both were burned-out parents. I could not help it, though. Any twinge of criticism or rejection that was coming, or was presumed, was a blow to my character.

It took me all of 2025 to realize that OF COURSE they support us! They all want us to succeed more than anybody! They don’t have this desire, neither do they want the stress of a business. But more power to us! If we can somehow get it done, they will cheer. They just don’t want to see us disappointed, and maybe that’s codependent, but that’s the human psyche. We cannot expect anything more, anything less. And when I realized this, I also slowed down, and was able to see just how much my husband had picked up since I started MoonShadow.

2) Grind mode literally sucks

I have had to fight feelings of how unfair it all was. It was my choice, right? I should be proud of it! But, we aren’t children playing games. And when you start a new business with no money, you become a poor child playing games with broken toys. And the business becomes a solution to the problem that your broken toys weren't working as well as the others. And often, successful businesses start with meager means. Working every day with no expectation of a paycheck. It's brutal, isn't it?

 

My mental illnesses taught me to face it. Face the grind. You aren’t there yet. You will not be for a while. And if you have no budget, you better find something to float on. So now, on your sinking ship, with your wet tools, your damaged supplies, your low self esteem,

enjoy the suck.

In Picasso’s blue period (1901-1904), he emphasizes his lows. The depression of poverty. The immense feelings of loss. And even though we try to be happy, to present the persona, with what little we can, the shadows are louder. Nobody can escape it. So if the grind sucks too much, and you’ve given up too much,

3) Get your health checked

Come on, now. This isn’t the 1920s. We don’t use primitive medical methods anymore! Instead, give a blood test, talk to a professional, understand you don’t have to suffer through things all the time, and then you might find that the one in your way is you. It is:

MY RESPONSIBILITY TO CURATE MY LIFE.

We may not fight our genetics. And when we see where we are sabotaging ourselves, it is our duty to grieve that we were unprepared, to accept that we don’t know what to do next, to ADMIT we don’t know, and fucking go anyway. We go like adults to the doctors we need to go to, we suck it up and do the tests. The shame associated with antidepressants or any medical testing is such a deep wound. I would almost assume most of us have it in our genetics. How many people do you know that could have benefited from seeing a doctor to prevent a horrible situation? Let’s not be cautionary tales, and instead, get our health in order.

 

P.S. Also, a little reminder: how you receive medical care is also your responsibility. That means insurance, payment plans, negotiating rates, etc. This is the unfortunate world of bureaucracy.

4) Your body is part of the team

I have multiple sclerosis and depression. Growing up, I had various other rare disorders, including Cushing's Sydrome and Prolactinoma . I was always in and out of doctors offices. Nobody knew what I had to experience every day. The energy fluctuations alone! It’s night and day. I still was expected to trudge. I did it all, and faced a lot as a normal person that was not normal on the inside. I wanted to be bitter all my life. But then, I realized that my body and I are actual friends. I wouldn’t have known my body this much if it didn’t present itself to me so viscerally.

I love my body. I listen to it. I’ve often only had my body to depend on. Just me and my thoughts. And those thoughts were dark. Nobody wanted those thoughts. But I had to carry them. Then, long after the grief dissipated, I realized that thoughts happen after the problem arises in the body. My disorders were already in there, quietly damaging me. And the only way my body was able to tell me was with my thoughts.

So when I used to confide in someone about these deep dark things, they’d often recoil and run away. Even my mother at times. Not because she was afraid of me. She didn't know how to help me. It was all quite tragic for me. And she actually did a pretty good job! I don't think I ever told her that.  So maybe, it’s not just that they were all incompetent. Maybe the fact that my body was in real distress but nobody could see it was a blessing. It forced me to face myself. My history. My traumas. I will never fight my body again. I will allow it to guide me. To slow down in the winter when it does, and to pick up in spring, summer, and fall. Even though the MS hurts more those times… my body will refuse to exert too much energy in the winter. And fighting it only made the depression worse.

Always check in with yourself. Give yourself love. Even when you don’t feel worthy of it. Because the feelings of unworthiness are the aftermath of the body being neglected. You are your own parent since you were born. Nobody knows your body like you. Take care of it mindfully.

5) Quiet prayer changes everything

Anyone can be loud. I wanted to post so many more videos. But I always consulted with someone. And usually the answer was to hold back. Not because it wasn’t important to share. But because I wasn’t the person I wanted to be when I shared that. Some people say that’s low self esteem. I say that it’s actually self awareness. The question isn’t, “Does this even matter?” The question is, “How can I make this matter?” Because, trust me, it matters. So where does prayer come into all of this?

I don’t believe in blind belief. Call me pessimistic, I guess, but when the facts stare you right in the face, it’s really liberating to admit that change needs to happen. I used to pray religiously every day. First, it was the Jewish prayers. Then, it was my own for a bit. And then, I began being more ritualistic with my worship. I prepared things then prayed. And that was very nice. I love doing pooja. It liberates my soul. But I was then confronted with the reason I did all this. Was it because I was afraid of my own life, and just thought a deity would satisfy my unwillingness to change? This question changed everything for me. I no longer was able to see the act of prayer as a meaningful thing, but simply the act of stopping every day and just think, “Without [you], this ceases to be.”

“You” in brackets, because it is universal. Just say your deity of choice, or even just yourself, because you have the deity inside you. Once we can consistently remember that without this persona we carry, we can assume there’s nothing else, that’s when we aren’t waiting for the liberation to come. That is when liberation is.

Writer:

Aisel Thakur

Owner of MoonShadow

February 10, 2026